Winter Turns into Spring - The Blog
The Mental Health Awareness Week' s theme was "Move for your mental health." Social media platforms were drowning in posts and reels from the all main mental health charities and fitness gurus/ influencers, sharing the benefits of physical exercises on our mental health. This theme didn't take into account the many complexities of mental illnesses/ distress.
We, human beings, are the only species on the planet who don't meet our children's emotional needs and don't understand the importance of attachment. Most of the time, parents - especially, mothers- aren't to blame: society teaches us to separate from our babies as soon as they are out of the womb. We are warned not to let our infants getting to attached to us, when, in truth, attachment is vital for their growth and well-being;. Without a secure and loving attachment, to their primary carer, kids will experienced great difficulties as adults and some might not even survive.
#SAAM - the Sexual Assault Awareness campaign is this month. I wish I could write such things as: "If you have experienced sexual assault or rape, please go to the Police, talk to someone, anyone who could help you though this." Sadly, I can't because the reality is the experiences of victims and survivors of SA are still being dismissed, minimised, if not used as opportunities to further hurt those who are seeking help.
Mental health services in the UK have always been hard to access. In the last past 5 years, they can no longer meet the needs of the increasing numbers of suffering individuals. The recuring question is "Why are more and more people diagnosed with depression/ADHD/ BPD? ETC" So, what is happening?
Many of us have watched Mute R. Kelly and Leaving Neverland. These two documentaries brought up a lot of emotions for a lot of people. It is upsetting for many. They also brought up some questions. There also are a lot of accusations directed towards the victims.
Now more than ever, it seems we need to educate ourselves on what Child Sexual Abuse/ Exploitation and Incest are.
" In 2016 /17 there were 43,522 recorded sexual offences against children under 16 years old, and a further 11,324 offences against young people aged over 16 and under 18. Police recorded 6,009 rapes of children aged under 13 years, and 6,299 rapes of children under 16 years." *
1) Myth: Perpetrators of Child Sexual Abuse are mostly creepy strangers .
Fact: Abusers are well known to the child . 75% to 80% of children know their abusers. The abuser can be a father, an uncle, a sibling, a family friend, a teacher. They look "normal" and blend well into the community.
2) Myth : If there was no penetration, then it isn't sexual abuse.
Fact: Safeguarding Children policies state that sexual abuse includes penetrative and non penetrative sexual acts. Example of non penetrative: showing a child porn movies, having sex in front of a child, masturbating in front of a child. With the internet, there are more risks of children being sexually groomed by predators.
3) Myth : If a victim of CSA only discloses the abuse as an adult, they are liars. They want money or attention.
Fact: Sometimes a child will completely forget about the abuse until much later in life (We call this dissociation) Some children are told it is love and believe it is. Sometimes, the child discloses the abuse but s/he isn't believed. Some might even deny the abuse thinking they are protecting the abuser or their family. Why would they want to protect the abuser? If it is a parent, a child will still love and care for them. They are also told to not say anything; "It is our secret." or they are being threatened: "If you tell anyone, I will die/ We will go to prison. or"If you say anything, I will hurt your Sister. " Now we can understand why the child would want to deny the abuse.
4) Myth : Perpetrators are only men.
Fact: Perpetrators are mostly men but, there are women who sexually abuse children.
5) Myth: Only girls are sexually abused
Fact: Boys are also abused by sport coaches, priests, teachers and family members.
6) Myth: If the abuse kept happening, it must mean that the child wanted it, and enjoyed it.
Fact: Children (especially the youngest) don't have the capacity to understand what is happening. Sometimes, it is the only attention they get and are told it is love. If they experienced pleasure it is because their body responded, as a body does respond to touch.
7) Myth: When a child is sexually abused, it brings shame to the family.
Fact: The shame only belongs to the abuser. The Safeguarding Children policies clearly state that it is our duty to report abuse and to keep the child safe.
8) Myth: The non abusive parent or family members must have known and did nothing about it.
Fact: As mentioned above, perpetrators look and appear "normal" They very often manipulate and lie to their victims, to their partners, to their family and to their community. This process is called " grooming" . There are instances where the abuse was known by the family and the other partner and, yes, they might have been in denial. Denial is an automatic response to shock. We must not jump to conclusions: each story and each family is different.
Sylvie
Copyright - Sylvie Rouhani - 2019 All Rights Reserved.
Resources:
* How safe are our children? The most comprehensive overview of child protection in the UK 2018 London. NSPCC , page 29 to 31
* How safe are our children? The most comprehensive overview of child protection in the UK 2018 London. NSPCC , page 29 to 31
http://www.mosac.org.uk/
Also, from Winter Turns Into Spring, read:
Incest: When Sexual Abuse Happens at Home
