Winter Turns into Spring - The Blog
The Cocoon Phase
What I call the "Cocoon Phase" is that time, when, we are no longer a caterpillar but we aren't butterflies either. It is the moment when we are slowly and painfully experiencing , and feeling, the emotions and patterns of the past, to then let all that go and fly into our new life. It symbolises the healing process.
Unfortunately, during this "in-between space." most of the time, we are alone in this tricky situation - we might still display outdated protective behaviour and trying to come to terms with what was done to us, as children. People don't want to hang around so much, or they are too busy telling us how to speed the process up, instead of supporting us through this. If we are still struggling with deep emotional pain, and talk about it, we are labelled as pessimists, still in the "victim mentality." Most individuals find it more comfortable when we are butterflies, then we matter and we are called inspirational heroes.
The healing journey isn't full of bright butterflies, it is filled with dark cocoons. It is a gloomy and confusing place. It feels like death. Reaching this point, with Karen, my therapist at the time, I no longer knew who I was. Actually, I have never had the chance to be me. It was really distressing. I felt a lot of emotional pain. Pain I had carried since birth that needed to be gently acknowledged and accepted. I can still hear Karen telling me: "I am here. I am right with you" during a particularly difficult physical and emotional flashback.
"I am here. I am right with you." is what I needed to hear all along. I needed someone validating and genuinely wanting to support me through this long and uncomfortable process. I acknowledge those around me, when I was really unwell, did their best in supporting me. However, some were quite controlling and self-righteous, calling me "sensitive" and "vulnerable", trying to get me to heal their way. Therapists didn't take me seriously. Someone (mis)diagnosed with BPD is never taken seriously.
If people really want to be serious about helping victims and survivors of child abuse, they need to change the way to support those living in distress, because, awareness, talking about it all is great but, what really helps is a loving, caring and safe person to turn to. Talking about CPTSD is one thing, but what we really need is more listening. Active listening. It means seating back and let the other person pour their pain out. It means being fully present. It means striving to build a rapport based on trust, unconditional regards and acceptance whatever state of mind a person is right now, (even if they live in the past still). Building such a rapport takes time. There isn't any easy, quick solutions, in regards to recovering from severe child abuse. There is no A,B,C or 1,2,3 steps.
"Your recovery is 100% your responsibilities" isn't true and lacks in compassion. Trauma started in relationships and healing is through relationships. We are interconnected to each other. It is also the duty of the wider society to care for those most vulnerable. What those caterpillars need are safe and loving cocoons, and support from their community, while they go through their transformation, no matter how long it takes.
Take gentle care of yourselves.
Sylvie
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