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Winter Turns into Spring - The Blog
More than 82 000 Boys/Men Sexually Abused.
I recently watched "Scouting Boys of America" on Netflix. It filled me with such sadness and my heart broke for every single boy (some of them now men) for what they endured. Then I was filled with anger towards the Scouting Boys of America for doing absolutely nothing to protect these boys.
My anger rose to another level thinking about the misleading information ,out there, stating only women are sexual abuse victims. More than 82 000 boys have been sexual abuse. This number is just the tip of the iceberg, and there will be more. And the problem isn't just in America. More than 82 000 young lives shattered, destroyed and no adults were protecting them. Adults were more pre-occupied with covering up and blaming Gay individuals who they banned from the organisation, equalling being homosexual as being paedophiles. People in charge hid lists of predators so no one would know what truly happened in their group. Adults were more interested in keeping the appearance that the Scouting for Boys were a safe place where children were well looked after and treasured. When allegations started to surfaces they decided to file for bankruptcy.
Many boys* - too many - didn't survive. They died by suicide, by overdose. They died not because they weren't strong enough or because they didn't try hard enough to stay alive: they died of a broken heart. I have met some of these men, friends and other acquaintances who told me their own experience. One of them wondered if this was the reason why they was gay. And, yes, some had difficulties with addiction, homelessness and mental illnesses.
"As a society, it is important to look at all the facets of sexual abuse. We need to look in the dark corners and face the obscurity, so no little boys get raped."
The other myth needing bursting is that only men are sexual predators. The truth is some women are also capable of atrocious things, towards their own sons. Sadly, some mothers have no boundaries. As a society, it is important to look at all the facets of sexual abuse. We need to look in the dark corners and face the obscurity, so no little boy gets raped. If it is so hard for girls/ women to share their experiences, it is even harder for boys/men because there is this idea that they don't get raped. They don't get sexually assaulted and if they do, as men, they are taught to toughen up, to get on with things and to "Be a man!"
To point is: boys or girls, children shouldn't be sexually attacked. It is the responsibility of the adults to protect and to care for them. Each year, we are losing to many precious boys and men* to suicide because of the abuse they suffered from grown-ups they were told to respect and to obey.
I am afraid this is just the tip of the iceberg. 82 000 boys in the United States of America. This needs to be a wake-up call for all Scouting Organisations, worldwide.
This is a recurring scandal, it is everywhere. It needs to stop!!
Take gentle care of yourselves.
Sylvie
You can also read:
The Big Taboo: Boys and Men rape
If you need support, look at these links.
Survivors UK:
Their Mission: "We relentlessly work to ensure every boy, man, and non-binary person in the UK has access to the support they need to navigate the impact of sexual violence and begin their journey of recovery."
Their mission: "Our goals are to secure prevention, healing and justice for men and boys through research, advocacy and capacity building."
Rape Crisis: support for men and boys
*All individuals identifying as male and non-binary. I am an ally to all LGBTQ individuals, to all human beings.
What is it Life Coaching? What isn't Life Coaching?
It is a
partnership between a Life Coach and a client.
The coach facilitates a safe space and creates a positive rapport in order for the client to identify the inner blocks to their goals, hindering their happiness. Life Coaching helps the client to identify their own goals, to find their own solutions and achieve personal growth and transformation.
Life Coaching isn’t therapy. Although we acknowledge most inner blocks have their roots in the client’s past, we don’t dwell deep on it (this is best done in a therapeutic setting), but, with the client’s permission, we can explore how the "Then and There" affects the "Here and Now", and how the client can move forward, with Self-Compassion.
If I feel a client could benefit from ongoing therapy, I will advise they do so.
My approach is trauma informed. What is trauma? What does "Trauma Informed" means and how does it fit in with Life Coaching?
Trauma is the impact any significant event that has a lasting adverse effect on an individual’s happiness and well-being. The earlier and the longer lasting the stressful event in an individual’s life, the deeper the debilitating effect on a person’s happiness and well-being are.
“Trauma-informed coaching happens when the coach understands what trauma is, how it presents in the coaching room and how to respond. All this, within established coaching boundaries and contracts.”
Julia Vaughan Smith –
Coaching and Trauma
I have personal and professional experience of trauma and have a real understanding of its impact on mind, body and spirit.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is extending compassion to oneself in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering.
Dr Kristin Neff,
PhD, has pioneered and defines self-compassion as being composed of three main components –
mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness.
Self-compassion is facing our deepest fears, outdated self-beliefs and our perceived inadequacies with loving kindness towards oneself, by learning to take the time to acknowledge when we are hurting (Mindfulness) , by reminding ourselves how suffering is part of the our human experience and we all experience it (to some degree), we aren’t as alone as we think we are (common Humanity ) and, finally, by taking time to sooth and to love ourselves though our pain as we would with a dear friend of ours (Self-Kindness).
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How does Self-Compassion and Trauma Informed Coaching work?
Oftentimes, our deepest fears, outdated self-beliefs and perceived inadequacies, are the very things blocking us from creating a happy, fulfilled life, and building happy relationships, tailored to our needs and aspirations.
These blocks have roots in our past, whether we are aware of this or not, and will impact our thoughts, feeling and our behaviour as well as on how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. The more severe a past trauma, such as Child Sexual Abuse, the stronger the blocks, which are survival/ defence mechanisms created in childhood in order to survive extreme violence and neglect.
They are also natural responses to abuse and neglect,
when the child really has no one to turn to.
In Coaching, there is an opportunity for the client to explore how the past has an impact on the present and focus on what the client can achieve NOW by becoming their own best friend through anything life throws at them and by having compassion for what they have been through. I will provide the space, the support and some tools (such as reading materials, meditations practice etc...), when necessary, to support clients on their journey.
The coaching process will be led by the client. It will be tailored to the client’s needs, with the client’s approval.
The coaching will be most effective if the client is willing and ready to commit
100% to their journey of self-discovery and healing. During Trauma Informed and Self- Compassion based Life Coaching sessions, the client will learn to approach their biggest blocks and find their inner resources of loving kindness and compassion towards themselves.
Contact Me
Notice Board
Zoom or Teams
For those who would prefer to have their Life Coaching sessions, remotely, I use Zoom and Microsoft Team.
Venues for face-to-face sessions
TBC
Life Coaching sessions available from January 2023
My Fees
- 30 Minutes Skype/ Zoom or phone
assessment:
FREE
-
Full price
-
£80. (8 to 10 sessions
in total.)
-Concession prices: £60 (8 to 10 sessions in total.)
If you are experiencing financial hardship, such as unemployment or long-term disability, I offer limited places on concession fees. Please, contact me to discuss.
All payments via bank transfer.
