In a ideal society, children would be cared for and supported by ,first ,their parents, then by their immediate family and, finally, by the wider community. It wouldn't be perfect but, if anything happened, children would ,at least, have one loving and caring person to turn to.
It is important to have the conversation about body parts, (using the right names for each parts) and not to make sex a taboo subject. It also helps to talk about boundaries ,as early as possible: letting them know their body is theirs alone and they can say "No!" if they want to. Unfortunately, we do not live in an ideal society and abuse happens at home and the perpetrator is very often mum or dad, or someone really close to the family.
A young child who manages to say "No, don't touch me." will still be powerless with an adult ,they trust and love, who has decided to abuse their bodies. Often, they are too small and vulnerable to stand up for themselves. Children already feel ashamed: "I didn't fight back. I didn't tell." Sometimes, they can't even remember what happened nor can they fully understand what is done to them. How can they tell if they are too young to understand in the first place? From a non-abusive parent's, or carer, perspective, because of the grooming process, they might feel guilty for not seeing the "signs" or they might suspect something but are told "It's all in her/ his head. You know how kids are like!" by the abuser.
Child sexual abuse prevention feels a bit like "rape prevention": it teaching you how not to get rape, instead of focusing on the "Don't rape." It is ,somehow, the victim (and their supporters) who is given full responsibility for what was done to them.
Education and training on the tough subject of child sexual abuse is important. Teaching children about their bodies and boundaries is also key, However, more focus is needed on creating relationships and spaces where children feel safe and loved enough so they can talk about whatever was done to them. Any professionals involved in any cases need training in person centred approaches, trauma informed approaches. Therapies offered need to focus on what happened, instead of treating natural reactions to a traumatic event as pathologies. Building a trusting and caring rapport with clients is paramount to the healing process. "Trauma is created within relationships and heals within relationships." Victims needs to be supported, respected and involved in their own recovery - whenever possible, of course. Their pain needs to be validated, and accepted as the child experiences it. Later, yes, we can explore reframing thoughts and emotions but, first they need to be accepted and felt by the victim. with a gentle witness by their side.
There is a rise in awareness of the necessity of nurturing "Self-Compassion" skills as part of other recovery tools. Dr Kristin Neff PHD. "pioneered research into self-compassion, she has developed an eight-week program to teach self-compassion skills co-created with her colleague Dr. Chris Germer, called Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC)." There are also more "Compassion Based" therapies available now, than before.
Sylvie
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What is it Life Coaching? What isn't Life Coaching?
It is a
partnership between a Life Coach and a client.
The coach facilitates a safe space and creates a positive rapport in order for the client to identify the inner blocks to their goals, hindering their happiness. Life Coaching helps the client to identify their own goals, to find their own solutions and achieve personal growth and transformation.
Life Coaching isn’t therapy. Although we acknowledge most inner blocks have their roots in the client’s past, we don’t dwell deep on it (this is best done in a therapeutic setting), but, with the client’s permission, we can explore how the "Then and There" affects the "Here and Now", and how the client can move forward, with Self-Compassion.
If I feel a client could benefit from ongoing therapy, I will advise they do so.
My approach is trauma informed. What is trauma? What does "Trauma Informed" means and how does it fit in with Life Coaching?
Trauma is the impact any significant event that has a lasting adverse effect on an individual’s happiness and well-being. The earlier and the longer lasting the stressful event in an individual’s life, the deeper the debilitating effect on a person’s happiness and well-being are.
“Trauma-informed coaching happens when the coach understands what trauma is, how it presents in the coaching room and how to respond. All this, within established coaching boundaries and contracts.”
Julia Vaughan Smith –
Coaching and Trauma
I have personal and professional experience of trauma and have a real understanding of its impact on mind, body and spirit.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is extending compassion to oneself in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering.
Dr Kristin Neff,
PhD, has pioneered and defines self-compassion as being composed of three main components –
mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness.
Self-compassion is facing our deepest fears, outdated self-beliefs and our perceived inadequacies with loving kindness towards oneself, by learning to take the time to acknowledge when we are hurting (Mindfulness) , by reminding ourselves how suffering is part of the our human experience and we all experience it (to some degree), we aren’t as alone as we think we are (common Humanity ) and, finally, by taking time to sooth and to love ourselves though our pain as we would with a dear friend of ours (Self-Kindness).
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How does Self-Compassion and Trauma Informed Coaching work?
Oftentimes, our deepest fears, outdated self-beliefs and perceived inadequacies, are the very things blocking us from creating a happy, fulfilled life, and building happy relationships, tailored to our needs and aspirations.
These blocks have roots in our past, whether we are aware of this or not, and will impact our thoughts, feeling and our behaviour as well as on how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. The more severe a past trauma, such as Child Sexual Abuse, the stronger the blocks, which are survival/ defence mechanisms created in childhood in order to survive extreme violence and neglect.
They are also natural responses to abuse and neglect,
when the child really has no one to turn to.
In Coaching, there is an opportunity for the client to explore how the past has an impact on the present and focus on what the client can achieve NOW by becoming their own best friend through anything life throws at them and by having compassion for what they have been through. I will provide the space, the support and some tools (such as reading materials, meditations practice etc...), when necessary, to support clients on their journey.
The coaching process will be led by the client. It will be tailored to the client’s needs, with the client’s approval.
The coaching will be most effective if the client is willing and ready to commit
100% to their journey of self-discovery and healing. During Trauma Informed and Self- Compassion based Life Coaching sessions, the client will learn to approach their biggest blocks and find their inner resources of loving kindness and compassion towards themselves.
If you are interested and ready to transform your life, with self-compassion and tender loving care towards yourself, please, contact me for a FREE 30-minute Skype/ Zoom or phone assessment.
(See Notice Board below for more info)
I am looking forward to hearing from you,
Sylvie
Thank you for contacting me.
I will get back to you as soon as possible.
Kind Regards,
Sylvie
Notice Board
Zoom or Teams
For those who would prefer to have their Life Coaching sessions, remotely, I use Zoom and Microsoft Team.
Venues for face-to-face sessions
TBC
Life Coaching sessions available from January 2023
My Fees
- 30 Minutes Skype/ Zoom or phone
assessment:
FREE
-
Full price
-
£80. (8 to 10 sessions
in total.)
-Concession prices: £60 (8 to 10 sessions in total.)
If you are experiencing financial hardship, such as unemployment or long-term disability, I offer limited places on concession fees. Please, contact me to discuss.
All payments via bank transfer.