Winter Turns into Spring - The Blog

I've watched "Stay Sweet - Pray - Obey" on Netflix recently. It is about a small community of a branch of Polygamists Mormons group. Members of the group believe (well, were brainwashed into believing) the only way to God is by having multitudes of wives and children. When the old Prophet died (even though he declared himself immortal) the new "Prophet" who stepped in decided 12 years old girls (or younger)  made perfect wives and mothers.

These young girls, whether they were 12 or 18 years old, were told nothing about sex. The path to "womanhood" is a horrifying, soul destroying and  all around traumatic event. Still, parents go with it. For those who were born into this group and, later, settled down, don't know any better. They were groomed. They think it is the right thing to do.

For decades, no one dared challenging the "Prophet". The very few who did were excommunicated, families torned apart. They lost their job, their place in the community, cast away and labelled as Sinners. The girls had no none to turn to: the Police Force, teachers... every adults are part of the group, manning their growing village. Slowly though, some ran away and told their stories.

On rare occasions, these Prophets or Gurus are found guilty of rape/ paedophilia and, rightly sent in to jail. Their followers come and visit, take notes of received guidance, to bring back to their fellow Mormons/followers A majority of people leaves the community at this point but, unfortunately, there is always a few loyal disciples to support their mentor, no matter what happens. Leaving would being facing their inner turmoil and trauma responses. It would be too much.

For those sharing their journey are scarred for life, spiritually, emotionally and physically. "I used to love God. Now everything is upside down!" They feel lost and confused." Thankfully, some of the escapees found inner peace and happiness. The process of recovery is long, and lasts for a lifetime.

Those men acting as Gurus, Prophets, Healers and Mentors (depending of their backgrounds and beliefs) are all over the world. They shamelessly use the names of God and Jesus to validate, and perform horrendous acts on children and women. And the sad reality is children don't often have anyone to turn to. The Justice System doesn't protect children or other victims of abuse. Lawyers, judges, Police Staff, Politicians all have their own agenda: winning, control and money, money and more money. Of course, they are some wonderful and caring individuals in these sectors, unfortunately, they are part of systems that are fraught to the core. The caring individuals, very often, get pushed aside, quieted down or worse.

In many countries, woman are slaves to their fathers, brothers and later to their husbands. In Egypt for instance, 99.30% of women experience sexual assault and harassments. It is a "normal" part of life. Women are discouraged from reporting: "Boys will be boys." Marriage was arranged for a long time, nowadays, not so much, but still, if a woman chooses to marry, she must forget her own ambitions to study and work. Both men and women don't get educated about their own bodies and don't really know what to do on their wedding night. Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) is performed on young girls to keep them on the straight and narrow.

In Kabul, in the 1970s, women went to University, they enjoyed freedom of expression and of being themselves, until the  Taliban forced them back home, where women should be, never to go outside unchaperoned, and covered head to toe. No more mini skirts. No more education and no more career. Sex is obviously taboo, sinful and the best way to deal with it is by oppressing women. Men? They can do whatever they want!!

The Catholic view of sex as a sin, had a great influence over the centuries, in the West, and it is still very strong. In the 60s and the 70s, with the rise of Feminism, Human Rights and Protection movements (for all, not just for the white, rich and Christian guy!!) , came sexual freedom. This generation decided to talk about sex and to express their sexuality fully! Finally, with the contraceptive Pill, women could also enjoy sex before having babies (IF this is what they wanted).They could plan their lives as they saw fit. WOMEN had more options and could live independently from men. Sounds great, right? How lucky are we not to live the Middle East, for instance? On a closer look, we aren't so lucky: women have been taught to hate menstruating. During the "time of the month", we are laughed out: "Oh you are tired and grumpy? Do you have your period?" We are punished for staying at home to raise the kids up, labelled lazy, and, we are accused of abandoning our children if we go back to work (under financial pressure or because careers are important too). Women still get paid much less than men and sexual harassment is, still rampant. If victims reporting rape or assault, are blamed and shamed.

There is no clearer sign of how much women are being disrespected and seen as brainless creatures, not capable of making any decisions about their own life and their own bodies, than the recent overturn of ROE V WADE, in the USA, quickly followed by Tory MPs, UK, declaring how great this was and how England should definitely follow the USA's example. On the 13th of August, Republican Rep Jim Jordan, State of Ohio, deleted a Tweet accusing a 10 years old girl of lying about being raped. She became pregnant as a result, and sought an abortion in Indiana. He retracted his claim when the suspect was arrested and accused. This despicable man used a poor 10 years old girl horrendous experience and its impact, accusing her of lying, to push his agenda of banning abortions.

Accusing a victim of rape, especially children, of lying doesn't just happen in America. it happens everywhere! The message is clear, throughout the world: don't get rape, if you do, you must have wanted it or provoked it. Some men can't control their impulses so it is up to you (Women) to make yourselves small, invisible. If you report a rape, we will lie and we will cover up for our friends (Rich white men, most of the time) Yes, of course, you can speak up, but not too loud: We don't want to create a scandal, do we? No one will believe you anyway."

So, what can we do, us, women (everyone who identifies as women included, of course!) We need to look after ourselves by putting ourselves first: Happy mama, happy children. Happy wife/partner, happy life! It is easier said than done, obviously, in this society build on discriminations and sexism. It starts from within, by turning towards our inner battles and turmoil with compassion for how tough it is to be a woman in this world! Self -Compassion for whatever we went through, and how we managed to survive being used and abused. It is also essential we support each other, that we stand together for our protection and for our rights, as well as for our children's safety, happiness and well-being. And there is such a thing as Fierce Compassion, it is all about letting our inner Fierce Mama Bear out and roar in the face of injustices and protecting our cubs. We can also call this inner part our Inner Warrior Goddess!

I see you, I hear you,

Sylvie