It is clear for all to see: more needs to be done to support children and teenagers, here in the UK. At the time when young people need support, acceptance, compassion and love the most, they are, unfortunately pressured to be and do better. Those who are used and abused at home are the most vulnerable. They are often forgotten by broken and outdated social services and therapeutic approaches that don't meet their needs. So, what are the changes needed to nurture the adults of tomorrow?
In the UK, Young Minds shares the following statistics:
Parents face many obstacles just to get a GP/ Doctor to take their child's mental health seriously. They are told: "S/he is a teenager. It is normal for them to feel down and act impulsively. Did you try exercises? Doing things together?" It might take another 3 or 4 calls before parents and their children are taken seriously, if they are lucky and have the kind of energy necessary to keep knocking on closed doors.
It has been even more difficult since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. CAMHS - Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services - have years long waiting lists. The first thing on offer is usually 6 weeks of CBT. For some cases it doesn't even scratch the tip of the iceberg. To get long term support, there are longer waiting lists. In the mean time, the conditions of some young people further deteriorates and, unfortunately, some precious lives end too early.
The priority after months of school closures wasn't the pupils' wellbeing, it was the catching up of their education. Parents and carers received emails informing them schools will focus on attendance and performance. For those in Year 11, they were put under further pressure to revise and pass their GCSEs. when most of these pupils missed lots of schooling or didn't take on the online classes available during lockdowns. There was NOTHING in place to ease these children back into school after the major worldwide trauma we are still all experiencing.
,
The NSPCC has published some briefings of the impact of the pandemic and lockdowns on children safety and welfare.
Mosac's helpline was busier too, during lockdowns. It wasn't that Child Sexual Abuse increased, it was always there, hidden and, being locked indoors, pushed desperate non abusive parents and carers, as well as abused children to reach out for help. Before the COVID-19 pandemic, it was already difficult for children, and their allies to get the support they need and deserve, during lockdowns, services were stretched to their limits, and they still are now, suffering the aftermath of the pandemic measures.
Even when someone hears them, the police and the courts systems are fraud with outdated and misogynist laws and procedures, often tailored by and for white men. Parental rights' to shared custody is often used to push children into the arms of their perpetrator, too often with tragic losses of precious young lives. The innocent parent is often accused of being the manipulative and deluded parent.
The therapies offered are based on patients' disorders not on the patients' natural responses to traumatic experiences. A lot of teenagers find comfort and peace in drinking and in taking drugs, unfortunately, instead of seeing them as the scared children doing their best to stay alive, some social workers, therapists and doctors only see them as addicts, as difficult children who need to grow up, take responsibility for their lives when, most of the time nobody took responsibility to protect, to care for and to love these children. Some adults look down on them, pushing for more discipline and control.
Young people are pushed to work harder than ever, to pass exams at a young age. They are told to sit down, to shut up, to listen to authority and to absorb any information given to them. All children are going through a schooling system tailored to one size fit all only. It doesn't suit every child and those who don't fit the box, are labelled stupid, rebellious and of having serious issues. Some children/ teenagers with mental and physical illnesses, from poorer background, are cast aside. Who hasn't been told, at least by one teacher, that "They aren't good enough and will not succeed in life!"? A life already mapped out for them: go to school, then go University. Get that Degree, then earn £40 000 job. Get a big house, get married before you are 30 years ( have a big wedding, please) and have babies. Bit fit, work hard and be good.
Children don't need disciple - read punishment - they need connected loving presences by their side; their difficult behaviour need to be addressed with compassion too. Fierce Compassion, which includes loving and caring but also setting firm boundaries, fair "rules" to follow, decided together and that include all persons involved. Of course, each family, each child/ teen is different. Unfortunately, there is no handbooks attached to our children's wrists, at birth.
They need at least ONE adult they can turn to, even when they think they've just done the worst mistake of their young life. Especially when they think they've just made a terrible choice! A mother they can talk to about their experiences. Or a father who will not shame nor blame them for being young humans with a developing brain, growing bodies who are getting to know themselves outside of their relationships. An adult who will give them the love and care they don't get at home, and embrace them with their pain, anger and hurt, making it clear what is healthy and unhealthy as well as providing the right support - counselling, a safe place to live in, help to choose a college or any form of education etc.
It isn't complicated: they need our love and our protective fierceness. The best way to lead them is by example. We can show them how to become a compassionate mess (We aren't perfect and so aren't they!) and how to find their own inner resources.
Any thoughts and experiences you would like to share?
Sylvie
Resources and support for LGBTQA+ teenagers and young adults go to The Be You Project and Young Stonewall
And a little Self-Compassion goes a a long way! Watch the video below.
All Rights Reserved | SylvieRouhani2022
What is it Life Coaching? What isn't Life Coaching?
It is a
partnership between a Life Coach and a client.
The coach facilitates a safe space and creates a positive rapport in order for the client to identify the inner blocks to their goals, hindering their happiness. Life Coaching helps the client to identify their own goals, to find their own solutions and achieve personal growth and transformation.
Life Coaching isn’t therapy. Although we acknowledge most inner blocks have their roots in the client’s past, we don’t dwell deep on it (this is best done in a therapeutic setting), but, with the client’s permission, we can explore how the "Then and There" affects the "Here and Now", and how the client can move forward, with Self-Compassion.
If I feel a client could benefit from ongoing therapy, I will advise they do so.
My approach is trauma informed. What is trauma? What does "Trauma Informed" means and how does it fit in with Life Coaching?
Trauma is the impact any significant event that has a lasting adverse effect on an individual’s happiness and well-being. The earlier and the longer lasting the stressful event in an individual’s life, the deeper the debilitating effect on a person’s happiness and well-being are.
“Trauma-informed coaching happens when the coach understands what trauma is, how it presents in the coaching room and how to respond. All this, within established coaching boundaries and contracts.”
Julia Vaughan Smith –
Coaching and Trauma
I have personal and professional experience of trauma and have a real understanding of its impact on mind, body and spirit.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is extending compassion to oneself in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering.
Dr Kristin Neff,
PhD, has pioneered and defines self-compassion as being composed of three main components –
mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness.
Self-compassion is facing our deepest fears, outdated self-beliefs and our perceived inadequacies with loving kindness towards oneself, by learning to take the time to acknowledge when we are hurting (Mindfulness) , by reminding ourselves how suffering is part of the our human experience and we all experience it (to some degree), we aren’t as alone as we think we are (common Humanity ) and, finally, by taking time to sooth and to love ourselves though our pain as we would with a dear friend of ours (Self-Kindness).
New Paragraph
How does Self-Compassion and Trauma Informed Coaching work?
Oftentimes, our deepest fears, outdated self-beliefs and perceived inadequacies, are the very things blocking us from creating a happy, fulfilled life, and building happy relationships, tailored to our needs and aspirations.
These blocks have roots in our past, whether we are aware of this or not, and will impact our thoughts, feeling and our behaviour as well as on how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. The more severe a past trauma, such as Child Sexual Abuse, the stronger the blocks, which are survival/ defence mechanisms created in childhood in order to survive extreme violence and neglect.
They are also natural responses to abuse and neglect,
when the child really has no one to turn to.
In Coaching, there is an opportunity for the client to explore how the past has an impact on the present and focus on what the client can achieve NOW by becoming their own best friend through anything life throws at them and by having compassion for what they have been through. I will provide the space, the support and some tools (such as reading materials, meditations practice etc...), when necessary, to support clients on their journey.
The coaching process will be led by the client. It will be tailored to the client’s needs, with the client’s approval.
The coaching will be most effective if the client is willing and ready to commit
100% to their journey of self-discovery and healing. During Trauma Informed and Self- Compassion based Life Coaching sessions, the client will learn to approach their biggest blocks and find their inner resources of loving kindness and compassion towards themselves.
If you are interested and ready to transform your life, with self-compassion and tender loving care towards yourself, please, contact me for a FREE 30-minute Skype/ Zoom or phone assessment.
(See Notice Board below for more info)
I am looking forward to hearing from you,
Sylvie
Thank you for contacting me.
I will get back to you as soon as possible.
Kind Regards,
Sylvie
Notice Board
Zoom or Teams
For those who would prefer to have their Life Coaching sessions, remotely, I use Zoom and Microsoft Team.
Venues for face-to-face sessions
TBC
Life Coaching sessions available from January 2023
My Fees
- 30 Minutes Skype/ Zoom or phone
assessment:
FREE
-
Full price
-
£80. (8 to 10 sessions
in total.)
-Concession prices: £60 (8 to 10 sessions in total.)
If you are experiencing financial hardship, such as unemployment or long-term disability, I offer limited places on concession fees. Please, contact me to discuss.
All payments via bank transfer.