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Winter Turns into Spring - The Blog
The Pleasures of Life.
Recently, I felt guided to explore pleasure and sensuality. This isn't a blog article about sex, it is one describing how, after years of escaping my body, I am slowly opening my senses to the little pleasures of life. Exploring the pleasures of life, entails being present in my body (Mindful Self-Compassion), which was a long process in itself, as I lived most of my life in survival mode.
Pleasure entails being present in our body. How else can we feel a fresh breeze on our face, playing with our hair? How about the refreshing and tasteful vanilla ice-cream, on a hot day! A comforting hug from a friend. We need to be in our body to experience all of these little pleasures of life. For individuals, such as myself, who have been through childhood emotional abuse, sexual abuse and neglect, it might take years to feel fully comfortable in their body, mind and spirit. The body carries painful memories, inhabiting it might be too scary. It isn't a process we can rush through either, or it might trigger more shame and a sense of failure.
"I am not saying the advices of going for a walk, having a bubble bath, etc, aren't good tips, but, when given to someone in high emotional distress, (or feeling suicidal or opening up about how awful they've been feeling), isn't the right time. It feels (and is) dismissive, it minimises the person's suffering, if it is not darn right insulting.."
Oftentimes, when someone is feeling depressed, for instance, the advice offered is to go for walk, smell the roses, feel the warmth of the sun in their skin. However, when someone is in extreme emotional pain, they won't be able to connect to their environment. It isn't because there is something wrong with them or that they aren't trying enough: their brain, mind and body are on survival mode, leaving little energy and place for enjoying life, in a mindful state. I am not saying the advices of going for a walk, having a bubble bath, etc, aren't good tips, but, when given to someone in high emotional distress, (or feeling suicidal or opening up about how awful they've been feeling), isn't the right time. It feels (and is) dismissive, it minimises the person's suffering, if it is not darn right insulting!
In 2014, after spending overnight in A&E, for overdosing, I was referred to the Home Treatment Team( HTT) One member of staff visited me on my first evening back home from hospital, to check in and to give me my medication. I was feeling really sad, in total despair. He asked: "Did you try to read the newspaper?" No "Did you try and have a bath?" No. He kept asking questions, making suggestions, until I lost my temper: "Don't you think I haven't try EVERYTHING???" Before overdoing, I took the train to Brighton, for a day trip. It didn't give me the emotional break, it usually gave me. I felt so lost. I came back to London, wanting to act on my thoughts.
First and foremost, a person in high emotional distress, needs a safe place and a safe person to turn to, with whom they can explore what lies behind their pain. This might take awhile. Once the individual feels safe, in mind, body and spirit, they can then be guided in exploring their inner landscape and their environment to experience the little pleasures of life.
As a survivor of child sexual abuse, it is important this process of feeling pleasure, needs to not include sex or "self-care" (if you know what I mean!). I am not interested in this form of gratification. It was imposed on me as a child and as a woman. It has always been more about my partners' satisfaction than my own. I want to explore safe and authentic bliss, with my eyes, my nose, my taste buds, my ears, my skin, my 6th, 7th and 8th senses - there are so many energies all around us and tuning into them is a magical experience!
"So, if any of you find it difficult to feel the fresh air and to enjoy the little pleasures of life, let me tell you: there is nothing wrong with you. It isn't that you aren't trying hard enough or that you are lazy, or disordered (…) "
Since I set my intention to fully experience pleasure in my life, during a New Moon ritual, I catch myself thinking "Hmm, that feels nice!" and I pause, even for just a few seconds, I let myself savour the moment: the fresh breeze stroking my skin, the scent of grass, the sound of birds singing, the ice cream melting on my tongue, my taste buds buzzing, a hug from a friend or my cat!
So, if any of you find it difficult to feel the fresh air and to enjoy the little pleasures of life, let me tell you: there is nothing wrong with you. It isn't that you aren't trying hard enough or that you are lazy, or disordered: you are suffering and all you need, right now, is someone who can just sit by your side and just listen to your experience. I hope you have such a safe person in your life. I know some of you probably don't. Sending all loving and healing vibes.
Take gentle care of yourselves (as much as you are able to at this time,)
Sylvie
What is it Life Coaching? What isn't Life Coaching?
It is a
partnership between a Life Coach and a client.
The coach facilitates a safe space and creates a positive rapport in order for the client to identify the inner blocks to their goals, hindering their happiness. Life Coaching helps the client to identify their own goals, to find their own solutions and achieve personal growth and transformation.
Life Coaching isn’t therapy. Although we acknowledge most inner blocks have their roots in the client’s past, we don’t dwell deep on it (this is best done in a therapeutic setting), but, with the client’s permission, we can explore how the "Then and There" affects the "Here and Now", and how the client can move forward, with Self-Compassion.
If I feel a client could benefit from ongoing therapy, I will advise they do so.
My approach is trauma informed. What is trauma? What does "Trauma Informed" means and how does it fit in with Life Coaching?
Trauma is the impact any significant event that has a lasting adverse effect on an individual’s happiness and well-being. The earlier and the longer lasting the stressful event in an individual’s life, the deeper the debilitating effect on a person’s happiness and well-being are.
“Trauma-informed coaching happens when the coach understands what trauma is, how it presents in the coaching room and how to respond. All this, within established coaching boundaries and contracts.”
Julia Vaughan Smith –
Coaching and Trauma
I have personal and professional experience of trauma and have a real understanding of its impact on mind, body and spirit.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is extending compassion to oneself in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering.
Dr Kristin Neff,
PhD, has pioneered and defines self-compassion as being composed of three main components –
mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness.
Self-compassion is facing our deepest fears, outdated self-beliefs and our perceived inadequacies with loving kindness towards oneself, by learning to take the time to acknowledge when we are hurting (Mindfulness) , by reminding ourselves how suffering is part of the our human experience and we all experience it (to some degree), we aren’t as alone as we think we are (common Humanity ) and, finally, by taking time to sooth and to love ourselves though our pain as we would with a dear friend of ours (Self-Kindness).
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How does Self-Compassion and Trauma Informed Coaching work?
Oftentimes, our deepest fears, outdated self-beliefs and perceived inadequacies, are the very things blocking us from creating a happy, fulfilled life, and building happy relationships, tailored to our needs and aspirations.
These blocks have roots in our past, whether we are aware of this or not, and will impact our thoughts, feeling and our behaviour as well as on how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. The more severe a past trauma, such as Child Sexual Abuse, the stronger the blocks, which are survival/ defence mechanisms created in childhood in order to survive extreme violence and neglect.
They are also natural responses to abuse and neglect,
when the child really has no one to turn to.
In Coaching, there is an opportunity for the client to explore how the past has an impact on the present and focus on what the client can achieve NOW by becoming their own best friend through anything life throws at them and by having compassion for what they have been through. I will provide the space, the support and some tools (such as reading materials, meditations practice etc...), when necessary, to support clients on their journey.
The coaching process will be led by the client. It will be tailored to the client’s needs, with the client’s approval.
The coaching will be most effective if the client is willing and ready to commit
100% to their journey of self-discovery and healing. During Trauma Informed and Self- Compassion based Life Coaching sessions, the client will learn to approach their biggest blocks and find their inner resources of loving kindness and compassion towards themselves.
Contact Me
Notice Board
Zoom or Teams
For those who would prefer to have their Life Coaching sessions, remotely, I use Zoom and Microsoft Team.
Venues for face-to-face sessions
TBC
Life Coaching sessions available from January 2023
My Fees
- 30 Minutes Skype/ Zoom or phone
assessment:
FREE
-
Full price
-
£80. (8 to 10 sessions
in total.)
-Concession prices: £60 (8 to 10 sessions in total.)
If you are experiencing financial hardship, such as unemployment or long-term disability, I offer limited places on concession fees. Please, contact me to discuss.
All payments via bank transfer.
