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Winter Turns into Spring - The Blog

By Sylvie Rouhani 17 Apr, 2024
#SAAM - the Sexual Assault Awareness campaign is this month. I wish I could write such things as: "If you have experienced sexual assault or rape, please go to the Police, talk to someone, anyone who could help you though this." Sadly, I can't because the reality is the experiences of victims and survivors of SA are still being dismissed, minimised, if not used as opportunities to further hurt those who are seeking help.
By Sylvie Rouhani 08 Apr, 2024
Mental health services in the UK have always been hard to access. In the last past 5 years, they can no longer meet the needs of the increasing numbers of suffering individuals. The recuring question is "Why are more and more people diagnosed with depression/ADHD/ BPD? ETC" So, what is happening?
By Sylvie Rouhani 08 Mar, 2024
What I call " Chronic Loneliness", others calls it "Attachment trauma", is the heart breaking, gnawing feeling that I am all alone, and frightened - knowing fully well I am not wanted here. There is no love here. This is something I live with every single day of my life. Some days. it is barely noticeable, other days, it is overwhelming, but it is always there, within me. I've learned to accept it with tender loving care, I am not going to lie: it hurts.
By Sylvie Rouhani 18 Dec, 2023
The end of the year 2023 is near. While we are forced fed Christmas joy everywhere, some of us, victims and survivors of child abuse and ,estranged from their immediate family (parents and siblings), this time of the year can be very painful. The holidays can bring up so much Christmas tears, while everyone else is caught up in Christmas cheers.
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There is this idea that survivors of CSA, who suffer with mental illnesses as a result, look a certain way.  Has your mental health ever been questioned because you look to good to be ill? 

Recently, a dear friend of mine shared with me her frustration after being told, yet again, by a “work coach”, how well she looks… for a woman who suffers with mental illnesses. It is something she hears on a regular basis, from strangers, from her GP, the Job Centre + staff and, which is most worrying, from the local CMHT's psychologists.


Her recent experience reminded me of my own. 5 years ago, when I decided to leave my latest job because my depression took a turn for the worse. I was cutting myself. I was no longer able to leave my trouble at home and put a professional mask on. I too was told: “You don’t look depressed.” by a Job Centre Plus work coach. I didn’t say a word to this man but I looked at him in such a way he knew he was in trouble. He then felt the need to correct himself: “Well, it is called an invisible illness.” On my last Work Capability Assessment report (for PIP), it was written I didn't look anxious. I was encouraged to look at my worst in order for the health assessor to take my mental illnesses serioulsy. Why do I need to  portray myself one way or another for my mental illenesses to be taken seriously and for me receive the financial help I need?


I have a motto: “It isn’t because I feel like shit that I need to look like shit!” So, no, if you see me in the street, I don’t “look” depressed. When I am attending a Work Capability Assessment, I might not look distraught. Just like my friend, I like to carefully choose what I am going to wear. I also enjoy putting a bit of make up on. I colour my hair pink. I am a bit of a hippy. I love doing my nails. When I am down, it is a little treat for myself. Aren’t we supposed to do whatever helps us?


How does being told we look too good to be depressed make us feel? Angry. Angry as it shows the ignorance and the judgement that some people have towards us (and others). We also feel misunderstood, belittled, lonely and sad.


“What are we supposed to look like then?” My friend and I asked ourselves. Are our bodies supposed to be covered in cuts? Are we supposed to smell? Are we supposed to wear old baggy, ripped, smeared in poop clothes? Does our head need to spin a full 360 degrees? Are we supposed to foam at the mouth and curse? Even if we presented ourselves in such poor states, we would probably be called lazy, stupid and attention seeking. As people struggling with mental illnesses, whether it is C-PTSD, Depression, Bipolar Disorder… etc, it seems we can’t win. We are constantly judged and misunderstood. All it takes is one quick look in our direction.


I am writing this not only to raise awareness to the general population but also to professionals who are meant to be acknowledgeable about this: how a person looks like doesn’t  necessarily reflects her/ his inner experience. If someone comes to you seeking help, please don’t minimize or dismiss them because they look “good”. This kind of old fashion and toxic stereotype needs to stop NOW.

Sylvie

What are your thoughts? Have you ever been told you look too good to be depressed? Or that you don’t look ill? How did it make you feel? Feel free to share your own stories on the comment box below.

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