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About Me
The chapters of my Life.
My childhood
I was born from a mother who really didn't want me. Growing up, it is something I was reminded of on a regular basis. Her little brother moved in with us and babysat us while she was working. He was violent towards my big brother and I. He also sexually abused me.
As the years passed by, my mother became more emotionally and physically violent . I was constantly told, or showed in my many ways, that I was useless, miserable, ugly, lazy and unlovable. There also was the day she beat me up and threatened to kill me. My big brother too was really manipulative and sexually abusive towards me. In School. I was bullied for my fragile appearance: I grew up with a muscular dystrophy and had great difficulties walking and participating in sports for many years. I was also painfully thin. At home or in school, I had no one to turn to.
Unknown to me at the time. and for many years, I have been suffering from depression, anxiety and C-PTSD but I was told I was just unhappy, crazy and will probably always be.
Young Woman out in the world
I cut ties with my family a few years ago. It was the best thing I ever did. It also was the most painful thing I ever did! It was necessary for my health and my safety as well as for my daughter's happiness. Even as an adult, once I told my Mother about the abuse, she replied that I've always been a difficult child anyway, my behaviour had nothing to do with the abuse. I couldn't possibly blame my uncle for everything. She wanted me to put it all in the past and leave it there.
As a young woman, I found myself into one unhealthy, and sometimes abusive, relationship after another. The only way I could relate with men was through sex. Deep down all I ever wanted was to be loved and cared for as I have never been before. I couldn't stay alone for too long, I needed someone's attention. It took me years to put names to my behaviour: Attachment trauma.
Becoming a Mother
Giving birth to my daughter and raising her up the first years of her life brought up of trauma. Again, unknown to me at the time, I went through years of emotional flashbacks and, post natal depression kicked in big time. I thought I was a horrible mother, just like mine when I promised myself not to repeat the cycle of abuse. I was angry, frustrated and scared of hurting her. I decided to take myself to therapy. "I love my daughter but I hate motherhood." was one of the first thing I said to my therapist. Now, my daughter and I have a very special bond. I am so proud of myself, of her and of us, as mother and daughter.
Work - Training
I worked in bars and pubs until I was 8 months pregnant. I also qualified as a Holistic masseuse and as a Reiki practitioner. I have given tarot readings in the past too. As soon as my daughter was in part time school, I went volunteering and training in various charities, learning important skills in active listening, counselling, care planning and many more. I was so proud of myself for finally finding work in the homelessness and mental health sectors. As I have been homeless ,after separating from my ex partner, and with my experience of mental health, I thought I would be the best person to support others. After all these years of volunteering, training and actually working, I made the tough decision not to work anymore. I was the one who needed support! My mental health was at its lowest: the pressure of being a not very well paid, working single mother whilst dealing with past trauma was overwhelming. I could no longer leave my worries at home and smile at work, supporting vulnerable people.
Health Crisis and Homelessness
In 2014, I hit my rock bottom, as it is said in recovery, after an unhealthy relationship ended, which left me homeless. I struggled with depression, anxiety, flashbacks and an emotional pain so intense I just wanted to die. Soon after, I was evicted from my flat and was put into care. For a year, I was bullied by my carer who was a religious fanatic and very manipulative. It took me threatening the organisation facilitating those placements with a complain to head office. In 2016, I was moved into a supported housing property, best suited to my needs.
Mental Illness Diagnosis and Therapy
As I had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, I was referred to the local IPTT for Mentalization Based Therapy (MBT) This entailed a year and a half of group and individual therapy. It seemed the only aim for the therapists was for me to get better and to get back into full time work. They weren't interested in talking about my trauma. MBT focuses on changing your challenging behaviour. I re-lived a time when my mother threatened to kill me, obviously, I was really unwell. My depression intensified. I stopped eating and lost weight. However, as I was approaching the end of my therapy, I was told I didn't want to get better as I refused to focus on going back to work before I left the program. I left soon after. Once I was away from this toxic environment, I started to re-build my life. I prayed, practiced Buddhism, attended Co- Dependent Anonymous meetings, logged in a "Love Addiction" online forum. I surrounded myself with individuals who really understood what I have been through and the impact it had on me.
Coming out As a Bi-Sexual Woman
One of the reasons I was bullied in secondary school was because I fell in love with my best friend and the rumour spread I was gay. I also thought I was gay but was confused when I still had sexual experience with boys. Throughout my life, I mainly dated men but, I would secretly crush on women!!
It finally make sense, when I met a woman (She became a close friend) who was feeling the same: mostly with men but also liking the ladies!
I am Bi and happy to be Bi!
My Passions
During the last few years, I've volunteered with Time To Change, as a Champion. It entailed holding events to fighting stigma against mental health issues, by opening dialogues in the community. I am also supporting We Stand, an organisation supporting non abusive parents and carers of children who have been sexually abused.
I am a writer, a poet. I write this blog about my experiences of child abuse and neglect, and the many ways this has shaped my life. By using my words as a fighting tool to speak up on behalf of the most vulnerable people in society, combining my two passions: writing and activism. I am a guest blogger for The C-PTSD Foundation's site.
I am the author of
The Blossoming Lotus.
Sylvie
What is it Life Coaching? What isn't Life Coaching?
It is a
partnership between a Life Coach and a client.
The coach facilitates a safe space and creates a positive rapport in order for the client to identify the inner blocks to their goals, hindering their happiness. Life Coaching helps the client to identify their own goals, to find their own solutions and achieve personal growth and transformation.
Life Coaching isn’t therapy. Although we acknowledge most inner blocks have their roots in the client’s past, we don’t dwell deep on it (this is best done in a therapeutic setting), but, with the client’s permission, we can explore how the "Then and There" affects the "Here and Now", and how the client can move forward, with Self-Compassion.
If I feel a client could benefit from ongoing therapy, I will advise they do so.
My approach is trauma informed. What is trauma? What does "Trauma Informed" means and how does it fit in with Life Coaching?
Trauma is the impact any significant event that has a lasting adverse effect on an individual’s happiness and well-being. The earlier and the longer lasting the stressful event in an individual’s life, the deeper the debilitating effect on a person’s happiness and well-being are.
“Trauma-informed coaching happens when the coach understands what trauma is, how it presents in the coaching room and how to respond. All this, within established coaching boundaries and contracts.”
Julia Vaughan Smith –
Coaching and Trauma
I have personal and professional experience of trauma and have a real understanding of its impact on mind, body and spirit.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is extending compassion to oneself in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering.
Dr Kristin Neff,
PhD, has pioneered and defines self-compassion as being composed of three main components –
mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness.
Self-compassion is facing our deepest fears, outdated self-beliefs and our perceived inadequacies with loving kindness towards oneself, by learning to take the time to acknowledge when we are hurting (Mindfulness) , by reminding ourselves how suffering is part of the our human experience and we all experience it (to some degree), we aren’t as alone as we think we are (common Humanity ) and, finally, by taking time to sooth and to love ourselves though our pain as we would with a dear friend of ours (Self-Kindness).
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How does Self-Compassion and Trauma Informed Coaching work?
Oftentimes, our deepest fears, outdated self-beliefs and perceived inadequacies, are the very things blocking us from creating a happy, fulfilled life, and building happy relationships, tailored to our needs and aspirations.
These blocks have roots in our past, whether we are aware of this or not, and will impact our thoughts, feeling and our behaviour as well as on how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. The more severe a past trauma, such as Child Sexual Abuse, the stronger the blocks, which are survival/ defence mechanisms created in childhood in order to survive extreme violence and neglect.
They are also natural responses to abuse and neglect,
when the child really has no one to turn to.
In Coaching, there is an opportunity for the client to explore how the past has an impact on the present and focus on what the client can achieve NOW by becoming their own best friend through anything life throws at them and by having compassion for what they have been through. I will provide the space, the support and some tools (such as reading materials, meditations practice etc...), when necessary, to support clients on their journey.
The coaching process will be led by the client. It will be tailored to the client’s needs, with the client’s approval.
The coaching will be most effective if the client is willing and ready to commit
100% to their journey of self-discovery and healing. During Trauma Informed and Self- Compassion based Life Coaching sessions, the client will learn to approach their biggest blocks and find their inner resources of loving kindness and compassion towards themselves.
Contact Me
Notice Board
Zoom or Teams
For those who would prefer to have their Life Coaching sessions, remotely, I use Zoom and Microsoft Team.
Venues for face-to-face sessions
TBC
Life Coaching sessions available from January 2023
My Fees
- 30 Minutes Skype/ Zoom or phone
assessment:
FREE
-
Full price
-
£80. (8 to 10 sessions
in total.)
-Concession prices: £60 (8 to 10 sessions in total.)
If you are experiencing financial hardship, such as unemployment or long-term disability, I offer limited places on concession fees. Please, contact me to discuss.
All payments via bank transfer.
