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Winter Turns into Spring - The Blog
Experiencing more Joy and Fun in my Life
In 2021, my therapist, encouraged me to pick something fun to do, something just for the joy of it, as 2022 was approaching. It seemed simple but, as I never really experienced joy nor fun, this was a big challenge. Now, I can proudly say: "Mission accomplished!" And I intend to have more fun in 2023.
Back in 2021, with the world in lockdown, I was feeling suicidal. My life until then, had only been about survival, and hard work. My life was completely taken over by my childhood trauma. Looking back everything I did, working in a homeless hostel, going to my support groups and volunteering was all trauma related. I wanted to help others when, I myself needed support.
My therapist ( Karen Isbister - Becoming Whole ) encouraged me to find at least, one thing that brings me joy; one thing just for the fun of it. "When you talk about writing, your entire posture changes." How about writing? I hadn't blogged for the entire year, ashamed of my own pain and I felt like I had nothing new to bring to the world. I wasn't even journaling anymore. I didn't even want to be part of this world! In December that year though, I enrolled on an acting class: "Acting for Fun." Fun was in the tittle so I thought I'd give it a go. I did a bit of acting, when I was 17/18 years old and missed it. I wanted to give it a go.
I am glad I did. I had such a great time and rediscovered the joy of performing. I then enrolled to a "Acting - Beginners' Class." The class was onsite. Going out and about as well as meeting other humans felt great, after 2 years of hiding. I met some very nice people. As for writing, I promised myself to journal, every day, even if it is one sentence a day. It soon became a page a day. I came back on the website as I felt inspired again to write about the issues that matters to me.
As a small girl and as a teenager, I used to write stories and poems. My dream was to become an author. A dream that has been buried for many years. I was too busy surviving the constant bullying and abuse I was subjected at home. A home I escaped from, as soon as I was able to.
In the last 10 years, I had written several drafts of different stories and even started a memoire, however, none of them felt right. I was also scared of failing. I had many, MANY, poems forgotten and gathering dusts in the nooks and crannies of my flat. In 2022, I assembled them all in a collection I called "The Blossoming Lotus." I entered poetry competitions, send my manuscript to different publishers. I started an IG page. Although it seemed like it was hard work, this journey was filled with joy. I wrote more poems and felt so inspired for the first time in years! By summer 2022, I signed a contributory contract with Austin Macaulay Publishing. LTD. They loved the content and the concept of the book. "The Blossoming Lotus" will be published this year.
I am not insinuating that my decision to find joy and to experience some fun, solved all my problems and that I was skipping all over London, with a big smile on my face. I had moments of doubts: "Will I even find a publisher?" Putting my work and my messages out there to be read and judged, was sometimes overwhelming! I received helpful advice and great feedback. I took some breaks and instead of fighting with my fears, I listened to them and met them with love and compassion.
Making space for fun things in my schedule enabled me to step back from "trauma issues". It gave me space to breath. A place to just be. Up until now, recovery was serious and hard work. Acting, just for the joy of it, helped me to feel lighter. There are time for serious stuff, sure, but there also needs to be moments of laughter.
I understand it isn't easy, especially for busy and tired parents to make time for fun activities. It is difficult in the society we live in, where being busy and overworking are celebrated. Some almost feel guilty booking time off. More and more people are struggling to put food on the table. Others, like me, weren't allowed to have fun, growing up. I wasn't even allowed to be happy! There was very little space to just be a child. I grew up to overwork, to the detriment of my own wellbeing.
I hope you find the one thing that makes your heart and soul sing. I hope you have the opportunity to experience more delight in your life, during 2023 and beyond.
Take gentle care of yourself.
Sylvie
What is it Life Coaching? What isn't Life Coaching?
It is a
partnership between a Life Coach and a client.
The coach facilitates a safe space and creates a positive rapport in order for the client to identify the inner blocks to their goals, hindering their happiness. Life Coaching helps the client to identify their own goals, to find their own solutions and achieve personal growth and transformation.
Life Coaching isn’t therapy. Although we acknowledge most inner blocks have their roots in the client’s past, we don’t dwell deep on it (this is best done in a therapeutic setting), but, with the client’s permission, we can explore how the "Then and There" affects the "Here and Now", and how the client can move forward, with Self-Compassion.
If I feel a client could benefit from ongoing therapy, I will advise they do so.
My approach is trauma informed. What is trauma? What does "Trauma Informed" means and how does it fit in with Life Coaching?
Trauma is the impact any significant event that has a lasting adverse effect on an individual’s happiness and well-being. The earlier and the longer lasting the stressful event in an individual’s life, the deeper the debilitating effect on a person’s happiness and well-being are.
“Trauma-informed coaching happens when the coach understands what trauma is, how it presents in the coaching room and how to respond. All this, within established coaching boundaries and contracts.”
Julia Vaughan Smith –
Coaching and Trauma
I have personal and professional experience of trauma and have a real understanding of its impact on mind, body and spirit.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is extending compassion to oneself in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering.
Dr Kristin Neff,
PhD, has pioneered and defines self-compassion as being composed of three main components –
mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness.
Self-compassion is facing our deepest fears, outdated self-beliefs and our perceived inadequacies with loving kindness towards oneself, by learning to take the time to acknowledge when we are hurting (Mindfulness) , by reminding ourselves how suffering is part of the our human experience and we all experience it (to some degree), we aren’t as alone as we think we are (common Humanity ) and, finally, by taking time to sooth and to love ourselves though our pain as we would with a dear friend of ours (Self-Kindness).
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How does Self-Compassion and Trauma Informed Coaching work?
Oftentimes, our deepest fears, outdated self-beliefs and perceived inadequacies, are the very things blocking us from creating a happy, fulfilled life, and building happy relationships, tailored to our needs and aspirations.
These blocks have roots in our past, whether we are aware of this or not, and will impact our thoughts, feeling and our behaviour as well as on how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. The more severe a past trauma, such as Child Sexual Abuse, the stronger the blocks, which are survival/ defence mechanisms created in childhood in order to survive extreme violence and neglect.
They are also natural responses to abuse and neglect,
when the child really has no one to turn to.
In Coaching, there is an opportunity for the client to explore how the past has an impact on the present and focus on what the client can achieve NOW by becoming their own best friend through anything life throws at them and by having compassion for what they have been through. I will provide the space, the support and some tools (such as reading materials, meditations practice etc...), when necessary, to support clients on their journey.
The coaching process will be led by the client. It will be tailored to the client’s needs, with the client’s approval.
The coaching will be most effective if the client is willing and ready to commit
100% to their journey of self-discovery and healing. During Trauma Informed and Self- Compassion based Life Coaching sessions, the client will learn to approach their biggest blocks and find their inner resources of loving kindness and compassion towards themselves.
Contact Me
Notice Board
Zoom or Teams
For those who would prefer to have their Life Coaching sessions, remotely, I use Zoom and Microsoft Team.
Venues for face-to-face sessions
TBC
Life Coaching sessions available from January 2023
My Fees
- 30 Minutes Skype/ Zoom or phone
assessment:
FREE
-
Full price
-
£80. (8 to 10 sessions
in total.)
-Concession prices: £60 (8 to 10 sessions in total.)
If you are experiencing financial hardship, such as unemployment or long-term disability, I offer limited places on concession fees. Please, contact me to discuss.
All payments via bank transfer.
