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Winter Turns into Spring - The Blog
Are there any safe places left for victims of sexual abuse ?
The recent news of David Carrick arrest shades the lights on why it is so difficult for victims and survivors of violence and rape to disclose abuse. We are encouraged to call the Police but, very often, we aren't believed nor heard, even worse: some of us experiences more abuse.
When a child disclosed abuse, the person who they spoke to must call the Police and other services to get the child the support she/ he needs and to, hopefully bring the perpetrator to Justice. Any adults who experiences abuse - Domestic Violence, rape, physical and sexual assaults, are highly encouraged to report the crime to the Police.
However, in the light of recent news, the trust in the MET has seriously plummeted. In December 2022, the former Police Officer, David Carrick, admitted to 49 charges - including 24 rape counts - for crimes committed over 20 years. The MET issued an apology as Carrick's arrest brought up previous misbehaviour charges, know by the MET and other agencies. It wasn't the first time a Police Officer was charged with crimes: in March 2021, Sarah Everard was abducted, then raped and killed by former MET PC, Wayne Couzens, who was previously reported for indecent exposures but was still allowed to keep his job. The Police apologised and promised to do better.
Over the last few years, reports of sexual assault and rape have decreased. Michael Knowles - Home Affairs Editor for The Express wrote, in his article: "Shock figures show 'justice has plummeted to new low' as under 2% of rape suspects charged."
(Thu, Jan 26, 2023): "Police recorded 70,633 rapes in the year to September. But only 1,130 suspects were charged, heaping fresh pressure on ministers, police chiefs, prosecutors and judges to restore confidence in the criminal justice system."
In her response to Met officer’s confession of rape and domestic abuse, Victim Support’s Chief Executive, Diana Fawcett wrote: "The public needs to have absolute certainty that those who are supposed to serve and protect them are not themselves abusers. At the moment they do not have that."
In response to the plea entered by serving Met police officer David Carrick, Ruth Davison, Refuge Chief Executive said (16th January 2023): "What has come to light today is barbarous and I send solidarity to the brave women who have come forward and reported these crimes. When a man who has been charged with 49 offences, including 24 charges of rape, is a serving police officer, how can women and girls possibly be – or feel – safe. The police are supposed to be our first line of defence, they are supposed to protect us from violent crime, they are supposed to hold perpetrators to account. Instead, the people who commit violent crimes against women are able to hold positions of power within the force and use their authority and status to abuse and harm, seemingly with impunity."
Whenever a victim or a survivor of sexual assault stories comes up, they are very often accused of lying. The logic behind this very common accusation is: "If it really happened, why not speak up before? Why wait so long to say anything?" The reality is these individuals did tell but, unfortunately, their experiences were minimized or totally denied. Most victims who report to the Police are accused of making things up. If the victim is a child, the adult perpetrator is very often able to charm various officers in charge of their case. If they are women, they are told they asked for it, or, they are somehow to blame if they were under the influence of alcohol or wearing something judged as too sexy. If they are men, they are not believed; "Men don't get raped!" or they are ridiculed for being weak. To top it all, it is now very clear, these victims are further abused and traumatised by the very people they are encouraged to reach out to. It seems we have nowhere and no one safe to turn to.
We are reminded time and time again, our healing and recovery are our responsibility. We are encouraged to report, not just for ourselves, but also to prevent more abuse. Without a supportive and safe environment, how can we recover and find hope? What about the Police and communities' responsibility towards victims and survivors of rape and abuse? What about those who have lost their lives at the hand of those who are suppose to protect us?
Take gentle care of yourselves.
Sylvie
Parents and carers, if your child disclosed sexual abuse and you need support, contact MOSAC. They have an excellent advocacy team and a helpline.
For Male Survivors ( all individuals identifying as male) :
Male Survivor Partnership1
For all survivors of sexual violence : One in Four
Rainbow Mind has some a great list of organisations, in London
Check out the "Resources" page.
** On the 7th of January 2023, David Carrick was sentenced to 32 years in prison. **
What is it Life Coaching? What isn't Life Coaching?
It is a
partnership between a Life Coach and a client.
The coach facilitates a safe space and creates a positive rapport in order for the client to identify the inner blocks to their goals, hindering their happiness. Life Coaching helps the client to identify their own goals, to find their own solutions and achieve personal growth and transformation.
Life Coaching isn’t therapy. Although we acknowledge most inner blocks have their roots in the client’s past, we don’t dwell deep on it (this is best done in a therapeutic setting), but, with the client’s permission, we can explore how the "Then and There" affects the "Here and Now", and how the client can move forward, with Self-Compassion.
If I feel a client could benefit from ongoing therapy, I will advise they do so.
My approach is trauma informed. What is trauma? What does "Trauma Informed" means and how does it fit in with Life Coaching?
Trauma is the impact any significant event that has a lasting adverse effect on an individual’s happiness and well-being. The earlier and the longer lasting the stressful event in an individual’s life, the deeper the debilitating effect on a person’s happiness and well-being are.
“Trauma-informed coaching happens when the coach understands what trauma is, how it presents in the coaching room and how to respond. All this, within established coaching boundaries and contracts.”
Julia Vaughan Smith –
Coaching and Trauma
I have personal and professional experience of trauma and have a real understanding of its impact on mind, body and spirit.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is extending compassion to oneself in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering.
Dr Kristin Neff,
PhD, has pioneered and defines self-compassion as being composed of three main components –
mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness.
Self-compassion is facing our deepest fears, outdated self-beliefs and our perceived inadequacies with loving kindness towards oneself, by learning to take the time to acknowledge when we are hurting (Mindfulness) , by reminding ourselves how suffering is part of the our human experience and we all experience it (to some degree), we aren’t as alone as we think we are (common Humanity ) and, finally, by taking time to sooth and to love ourselves though our pain as we would with a dear friend of ours (Self-Kindness).
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How does Self-Compassion and Trauma Informed Coaching work?
Oftentimes, our deepest fears, outdated self-beliefs and perceived inadequacies, are the very things blocking us from creating a happy, fulfilled life, and building happy relationships, tailored to our needs and aspirations.
These blocks have roots in our past, whether we are aware of this or not, and will impact our thoughts, feeling and our behaviour as well as on how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. The more severe a past trauma, such as Child Sexual Abuse, the stronger the blocks, which are survival/ defence mechanisms created in childhood in order to survive extreme violence and neglect.
They are also natural responses to abuse and neglect,
when the child really has no one to turn to.
In Coaching, there is an opportunity for the client to explore how the past has an impact on the present and focus on what the client can achieve NOW by becoming their own best friend through anything life throws at them and by having compassion for what they have been through. I will provide the space, the support and some tools (such as reading materials, meditations practice etc...), when necessary, to support clients on their journey.
The coaching process will be led by the client. It will be tailored to the client’s needs, with the client’s approval.
The coaching will be most effective if the client is willing and ready to commit
100% to their journey of self-discovery and healing. During Trauma Informed and Self- Compassion based Life Coaching sessions, the client will learn to approach their biggest blocks and find their inner resources of loving kindness and compassion towards themselves.
Contact Me
Notice Board
Zoom or Teams
For those who would prefer to have their Life Coaching sessions, remotely, I use Zoom and Microsoft Team.
Venues for face-to-face sessions
TBC
Life Coaching sessions available from January 2023
My Fees
- 30 Minutes Skype/ Zoom or phone
assessment:
FREE
-
Full price
-
£80. (8 to 10 sessions
in total.)
-Concession prices: £60 (8 to 10 sessions in total.)
If you are experiencing financial hardship, such as unemployment or long-term disability, I offer limited places on concession fees. Please, contact me to discuss.
All payments via bank transfer.
