Winter Turns into Spring - The Blog

Survivors of child abuse are seeking answers and a place to belong to. Churches, Temples, Mosques, are places of prayers and hope. Unfortunately, there are a lot of misconceptions about child abuse and its impact on followers, leaving them re-traumatized and lonely in their suffering.

There are a lot of misconceptions about child abuse and mental illnesses, in religious and spiritual organisations. As members, we might be told to forgive and forget, to mend abusive relationships and to shower our abusers with compassion. We might also be told if we suffer it is because we aren't praying or chanting or meditating hard enough, or we aren't doing it right. We are advised to reject the "Ego", the "Darkness/ Devil/ the Enemy" We are encouraged to cast aside our humaneness and only focus on our "Higher Self." Apparently, human pain is an illusion: there is only love, and gratitude is like a magic spell to push away our misery (We suffer because we aren't grateful enough)  We are pushed to go and encouraged others as the best way to forget about our own difficulties, in the name of service, we are being ask to give more time and attention to this particular area of our lives, as if acknowledging and addressing our challenges would be signs of self-indulgence and selfishness. A good "Buddha" or "Christian",  or any person of any other faith, are told to give and give and give... to, sometimes, the detriment of their well-being.

Does everything happens for a reason? Or it is just an excuse to judge someone else's journey? A way of denying the pain by turning it into a lesson. I personally believe there is something to learn from most of my experiences, but sometimes, things happens because they just... happen! People hurt others because they aren't well, it is never the victim's fault. What matters is how we deal with a situation now. How do we support ourselves, and our loved ones in moments of despair? What matters is how well we manage and how well we look after ourselves.

On a spiritual level, it still doesn't make sense for me to try and find a meaning for the horrible things that were done to me. I was told it was my Karma: I did something terrible in a past life so I am suffering the effect of it. ( FYI, this guilt trip has nothing to do with Karma*) This was supposed to be helpful. The other thing I heard a lot was: I was born in this particular family, because I had the mission of teaching something to my abusers and to transform my "family KARMA".  Or "Maybe your soul knew it had the strength to live through that pain, so you sacrificed yourself, so the abuser could learn their soul lesson." I felt as if I couldn't live these concepts.  I truly believed it meant I didn't learn anything. I was still a victim. I didn't find this place of total acceptance and forgiveness, towards those who hurt me. These thoughts and beliefs added to my exciting shame.

I wasn't a martyr: I was a child. We were children! We all needed protection and love. Even if we are these "higher spirits" in human bodies,  we still live here, in very human lives, with trauma, challenges and big emotions. We need compassionate and respectful people around us who understand that. We need to ask "What do you need?" or "How can I best support you?"  We need to feel feel safe. We need to feel heard.

Everybody is different. Each Soul is different, with a different "mission". Some people choose certain things, other don't. I don't know, and it sure isn't our place to try and find our what other people's karma/ journey is. It is arrogant and disrespectful.

Any thoughts?

Sylvie

What the heck is Karma*?

It isn't just "You did bad things in your past lives and now you are ripping the consequences." Yes, every cause creates an effect, but, if we try not to judge our every decisions as good or bad, we subtract the guilt trip often hooked to the concept of Karma. You will then find that, it is actually an empowering concept! We all make decisions from the moment we open our eyes, to the time we sleep (even when we dream our brain makes decisions!) Sometimes we regret what we have thought, said or done and, other times, we are delighted. life is a journey, and if we are not feeling fulfilled, karma means we can change the course of our journey. It sounds easy, but it isn't! (This is my understanding of Karma.)

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