Winter Turns into Spring - The Blog
The Mental Health Awareness Week' s theme was "Move for your mental health." Social media platforms were drowning in posts and reels from the all main mental health charities and fitness gurus/ influencers, sharing the benefits of physical exercises on our mental health. This theme didn't take into account the many complexities of mental illnesses/ distress.
We, human beings, are the only species on the planet who don't meet our children's emotional needs and don't understand the importance of attachment. Most of the time, parents - especially, mothers- aren't to blame: society teaches us to separate from our babies as soon as they are out of the womb. We are warned not to let our infants getting to attached to us, when, in truth, attachment is vital for their growth and well-being;. Without a secure and loving attachment, to their primary carer, kids will experienced great difficulties as adults and some might not even survive.
#SAAM - the Sexual Assault Awareness campaign is this month. I wish I could write such things as: "If you have experienced sexual assault or rape, please go to the Police, talk to someone, anyone who could help you though this." Sadly, I can't because the reality is the experiences of victims and survivors of SA are still being dismissed, minimised, if not used as opportunities to further hurt those who are seeking help.
Mental health services in the UK have always been hard to access. In the last past 5 years, they can no longer meet the needs of the increasing numbers of suffering individuals. The recuring question is "Why are more and more people diagnosed with depression/ADHD/ BPD? ETC" So, what is happening?
The world is going through a huge crisis, with the COVID-19. . We are overwhelmed with self-care tips on social media, We can use them to inspire us to draw our own self-care plan, one best tailored to our individual needs. I am sharing my own experience, thoughts, feelings and emotions (from a bit a denial to acceptance) and how using Mindfulness Self-Compassion, my intuition as well as my spiritual practice, help me when life gets tough.
I recently posted a list of the things that keep me sane (ish) while I am self-isolating.
- Getting up and getting dressed - a little bit of make-up helps too
- Coffee and tea- coffee is very important to me.
- Doing a bit of cleaning every day.
- Eating at regular interval.
- Chanting and praying.
- Studying a Life Coaching Diploma.
- Practicing Mindful Self-Compassion.
- Listening to music and dancing around the place (singing too).
- Contacting friends and my daughter.
- Reading.
- Watching Netflix.
- Playing with my cat (Arizona) and cuddling too.
I try to follow a little routine. I gently encourage myself to move and do small things. I was even joking with a friend, yesterday, saying: "I am good: I am fully allowed to ignore this crazy world of ours so I am happy!"
We are being drowned with advices and lists of self-care tips. This can be overwhelming. We are all different, so we need to think about what it is that we need right now. What would support us through this? This is my personal list. What would you write on your list?
Up until last week end, I was going out to the park for quick walks and fresh air. A walk in the park always clears my head and my heart. I feel an instant soothing energy around me. But, one morning, there were so many people walking or running in the park. I didn't even go at the top of the hill, as I knew there would be a bigger crowd there. I heard my inner alarm bells loud and clear: "They shouldn't be here! I shouldn't been here!" It didn't feel safe anymore. I went back home feeling a bit dissociated. The world has never really felt safe for me, so this is challenging.
The following days, I only went out to the local shops for essentials. Shopping for food very often triggers anxiety in the best of times, my latest shopping sprees really freaked me out but I managed. Seeing so many people still out, freaked me out too. On social media, everything is about the Corona virus, how can it not be? I am having regular breaks from Facebook as all the overload of advice, jokes, silliness, anger and arguments distress me.
For a few days, I was also angry at anyone not caring enough. I was angry at our governement for doing so little to help. Then, I decided to divert my energy a bit more towards my efforts in keeping in touch with all my loved ones, showing them how much I love and care for them. I don't want to take anybody in my life for granted! I am chanting and praying for every single sentient being on this Earth. I am sending love to Mother Earth too. I find solace in my favourite buddhist guidances. They remind me of our interconnectness and how we are all little pieces of the Universe, so is everything around us. This is what I personally believe. Prayer, for me, is the best way to reach people's lives and hearts.
Just to clarify: there was nothing wrong with my anger. It was (still is) actually a normal response to what is happening. I just want to make sure I also acknowledge the love and the support in my life and that is also present in our communities. I had moments of panic and some of my friends had theirs too. For weeks I was saying: "There is no need to panic. We need to be careful, yes, but let's keep grounded!" Well, when my ex-partner informed me one of our daughter's friend was sick and they had to self isolate, I panicked! (They are absolutly fine, by the way!) Panic is also a normal response to what is happening. So is fear. So is sadness. So is silliness. So is feeling more anxious than ever. Our Fight or Flight responses are all being triggered all over the place! Abusive behaviour is, obviously, never a good thing and cannot be excused.
Now I have reached a place of better acceptance, I feel calmer.
So how can Self-Compassion help? First, let's refresh a little bit. Kirsty Neff, in her book, Self-Compassion, writes about the three principles of Mindful Self-Compassion:
- Mindfullness:
Acknowledging a difficulty and it's impact on us, just as it is, right now. We stop what we are doing, we stand still and we notice what is happening for us.
- Humanity:
Thinking of other fellow human being who must have known the same pain/ similar difficulty. Pain is something we all experience. This is to feel less isolated, less alone.
- Self-Kindness:
Soothing ourselves as we would a dear friend or our child who going through a difficult time. What do you need to hear right now? Gently say it to yourself or write a note. Hold you hand, stroke your arm or whatever else can give you comfort.
Here is what happens in practice:
"It is scary. I don't really understand some people's behaviour. I feel sad for all the people are losing their job, their home, their lives, loved ones. It breaks my heart. I worry about my friends and my daughter. I feel anxious. I miss the park too."
I mindfully (1)
acknowledge how I am feeling about this situation, how difficult this is for me. "There are so many people who feel more or less the same as I do."
I direct my thoughts towards my fellow human beings (2)
who are in this too. And, finally, I show myself some self-kindness (3)
by writng a few supportive words to myself (my Inner Girls). For instance: " Yes, it is scary, isn't it? I am sorry this is a difficult time, right now. It is normal to feel the way you do. You are doing your very best in a tricky situation."I let myself feel everything that arises for me. I hold myself.
The more I hold space for myself, the more I can hold space for others. It all starts from within. When I bring self-compassion in my buddhist practice, it is when it becomes even more healing and soothing, for me anyway.
Here is a little prayer I say everyday, thinking about us all.
May we all be safe,
May we all be peaceful.
May we all be healthy (In mind and Body)
May we live together in harmony
Sylvie
P.S:
As I was writing this, Kristin Neff and her colleague Chris Germer, have published, on the Centre of Self-Compassion website, a list of 10 Self-Compassion Practices for COVID-19.It is a good read, have a look and see if you can find something to help you.
Related Article on the blog: Recovery from Child Sexual Abuse - Self-Compassion
Please, take gentle care of yourselves.
